Gayani Jayathilake

The other day something funny happened. We met. After months. Who, does not matter here. What occured is the story here. Don’t get lost now. Months of meditation had changed me into a being unknown by them or the old me. Hours of meditation had taught me and sunk in as a constant that there was no me to begin with. Sure there is this body with a name called Gayani walking about, talking words, eating puddings and acting like it is all real. But now I know that it is all a lovely little drama we play. My name was given to me at birth by my parents. From them onwards I created an identity that suited me well. Here I am years later with completely renewed cells and a whole different new body calling myself the same. And yet am I really the same? Now let’s not go deeper into this matter. As the story is elsewhere. Don’t get lost mind you. But I shall in the future write more on my wonderful meditation journeys and findings for those interested ofcourse. Maybe I should create a separate tab and call it meditation and this could be the first story in that line. As this was after all aftermath of that.

And now back to the story. There I was on vacation. And one day just like any other beginning my morning before anyone else woke up to utter words and sentences. I had rushed to my favourite chair to do breathing exercises and mind meditations. First and foremost I always began by looking outside and thanking nature. Just something I do out of habit. I begin by listening to the pulse of the earth, reveberating hum of the sun and the rhythm in the water waves. Thank nature for the clean air, water, and soil. After all I would not be here if it wasn’t for nature.

After this I close my eyes and get into any mode of meditation I prefer that suits my day. But the sudden rooster’s morning call woke me with a fright the minute I closed my eyes. They were the next door neighbour’s roosters and seemed so close. My mind could not quieten with all that racket. Although I was compelled to stop that morning I did try the next morning and several other mornings that approached after that. The noise rang in my ears that I could not silence my mind.

I complained with everyone I met. How the rooster bothered my morning meditation. After much grumbling I began to notice how that did not help. How the people I lamented with had their own stories of how the noise of the rooster bothered them. I noticed how our complaints were the same. Or maybe theirs were more heightened as they lived there. I did not. I was there on vacation for a few weeks. I began to watch the pattern of my sentences. I hear the rooster. The rooster bothers me. The rooster is too loud I cannot meditate. I noticed the many I’s and me’s within those sentences when I had absolutely nothing to do with the sounds. I began to close my eyes and remove the I’s. The me. Myself. The minute I removed myself from that sound my sentences changed. The rooster crowed. The rooster was loud. That was it. Nothing more. It was just the rooster crowing somewhere beyond the fence. Just like the rustle of the leaves on that tree. It had nothing to do with me. The hum of the sun that was constant, the lulling of the winds, the murmurings of the birds. They each in turn had their own sound. I had never heard them before. Certainly not in this manner. The minute I stopped listening through me I began hearing more. And stopped hearing at the same time. Just like that I stopped hearing the rooster.

It was a fascinating minute where I had disconnected and connected at the same time. Disconnecting meant to connect in a more deeper level I learnt. Not look at the world through me, but look at the world. I began to listen to people talk but never through myself. That way I heard them better. I began to see things more clearly when I did not look through me. There was no need to have an I in everything I saw, heard, smelled or touched when I had no part to play in those stories.

I had begun by seeing myself, through me in every story. But I was never there to begin with.